I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
