Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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