I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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