um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
it's great music for shaving your balls
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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