I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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