They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
