I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
