he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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