I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
