HIV tests are more positive than that guy
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
