Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
