HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Two words: nipple clamps
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