So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
