his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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