She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I don't deserve a penis
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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