i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Randomize
