im six kinds of drunk right now
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
