do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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