Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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