$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
