Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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