do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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