She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
