She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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