Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize