Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
