i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
