I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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