We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
