i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I looked at my own cervix.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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