ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
