My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
