I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
