Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
