BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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