dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
