He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
