oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
