We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
