Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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