I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
