he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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