I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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