Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
