Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
