If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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