My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
im holly from the hills drunk
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
