My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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