And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
