you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
