every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
