I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
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