I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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