How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
