woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
