Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
