if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
