I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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