Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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