Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
