jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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