i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
