I'm eating all of the evidence.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
