Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
