dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
